This was on the list....

Well, this was on the list as well. I've been away from here for a long time and I think that what will happen from now on is that I will visit from time to time and say things that I find important.

However, most of the time devoted on this blog will be to making a concerted effort to write. That means that whether anyone reads it or not it will not matter. What matters is that I write. I produce content that in the end will rise to a certain quality level.

Getting older is making me want to have a lasting contribution to things. Not artistically, but in the minds of others. I want people to get it. It's o.k. if you don't get it now but at some point you need to.

"It" being your beliefs.

On my absence.

Wow! It's been some time since I've visited my own blog. If I'm being read at all, sorry 'bout that. It's been a good few months. I'm MARRIED! While, the situation has its downs overall married is better. A new facet is fixed to my reality and surprisingly enough I'm not identifying myself more strongly as married as I am committed to making things work. wish me luck.

More to follow.

The Notion of Identity (continued from the other day)

As I said before, I think that I became truly "self-aware" at nine years hold. Meaning that I perceived myself as separate from all other people. I was riding a bicycle near my parents' home around sunset. Beyond that I can't remember much more. Maybe I was reacting to the events of that year. It was not a bad year but the only significant thing that I can remember is that my Grandfather died. Maybe that's what caused it; or it was an external factor in my family. Or perhaps it was how the felt about my reaction to his death.

The Early Days.

As far as I can remember back I have always been consistent in one thing, self examination. This is the only trait I have taken with me over the course of the years. Regardless of the situation this is the only part of me that makes the trip when I go soul searching.

Which is the point of the previous post. If you stop every few years and look back you will find that you are a new person. Your immediate state is merely a wake up from the dream of life.

That's not to say that one is not lucid at most stages just the opposite we are what we are to the task. However if you strip away all of the external factors that identify the self you will find that most of us are the same... which can be only a few things, Black, white, or shades of grey .

No, not skin colors but more of a psychological leaning and not at the same time. The people you know ten years ago WILL be different from the "same" people that you meet after a rigorous self examination.

That being said I have worn all three "moral colors". They are as much of my personality as they are yours. Like it or not they are Freudian at best and at the worst just ill-tempered behavior.

It might be arrogant to say the least but for the most part I've worn the "white hat" when I could, the grey hat most of the time, and, the "black hat" when it suited me(take that however you like)

AS far as I can tell this started when I was nine. Nine years old, I think that that might have been a little young to question whether or not I was in fact real... and I will dwell on that tomorrow.

Same As It Ever Was

This is a new blog for me to share my thoughts. Its' purpose is to understand how I feel about events in my own mind.

As I get older I am starting to realize that I have inherited a life that I should be proud of but at the same time crave more.

My feelings and beliefs are from a life that is not necessarily my own anymore. It is as if I am an echo of my Mother, Father, and Brothers; as well as the actions that someone else took on my behalf.

I am a proxy for a dead man.

William Rouse